So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
