i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
