i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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