I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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