My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
