a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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