His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
