Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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