The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
