I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
