i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
