fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
