At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
