My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
