fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
