Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
