Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
