Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
