There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
