I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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