There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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