Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
