Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
