wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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