Apparently you make a good broom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
