my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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