Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
