I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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