You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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