Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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