i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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