Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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