I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
