but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
