Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
