You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
