I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
