Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish my penis had an off switch
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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