Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
