His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
