I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
