Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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