I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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