I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
