I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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