Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
