R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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