I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
