in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
