remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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