I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
