I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
