i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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